Monday, September 12, 2011

Standing on the Edge

Do you ever get that feeling that EVERYTHING as you know it, is about to change?

I’ve had that feeling once or twice in my life, and it’s completely nerve wracking.

                            What if I’m comfortable?
                What if I like things just the way they are?

I don’t know what’s coming next, and that’s really scary.

Really. Scary.

Have you ever been there??

Yeah... That's where I stand now. On the edge. 

Last week, I had the thought while getting ready for work: “I’m happy. I’m content. Life is good. Life is comfortable.”

I was actually putting on eye make-up and the second those thoughts passed… I dropped my mascara wand in the sink.

I looked at myself in the mirror for a second.


In that moment I felt like God was standing right behind me, smiling and looking in the mirror with me, saying:
                                     “Don’t get comfortable.”

I know He was smiling. He delights in moving me out of my comfort zone.

It’s when I’m out of my box, kind of stumbling around in the unknown that He knows I don’t have anywhere else to turn except to Him.

The last time I had this feeling, I was pretty much spot on. Everything changed. And I was a complete wreck the entire process.

I was scared before-hand, when I knew it was coming. I was anxious and panicky while in the middle of it. And I was sad after it.

There is a difference this time around though.

I am not an Anxious Annie. I still have my moments where I do wish we could get our timelines to coordinate a little bit better. But this time, there is such an incredible peace.

I know that whatever happens, whatever changes are about to come my way—This is God’s will for my life.

Do I have wishes and hopes for what He does? You better believe I do.

For this season of change that is coming, I’m dreaming big. God tells me to. He is worthy of our dreaming big; that is His character. Our duty and calling, is to live big with what He gives us. 

I’m excited to see where God is taking me. I want to do His will. I want to serve Him. I want to go where He leads me.

I’m still a little scared.

I’d be lying if I just told you I was "happy as a clam"* and had a “come what may” attitude 24/7.

There are a lot of unknowns out there. Including the fact NOTHING may change.

I have to be ok with that.

I can get nervous. I can worry. I can freak out all I want.

I will be a miserable, fearful person.

“Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the Godly to slip and fall.” (Psalm 55:22)

It’s a constant struggle to actually do this. This isn’t a one-time act of “ok, I gave You this; done and done.”

It is a daily battle to not think about what I’m scared of, to not worry about if God is going to show up, to not tremble when Satan tries to tell me no one sees, no one cares.

“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commandments.” (Deuteronomy 7:9)

God loves me.

Diana Ruth. Me.

God wants nothing but good for my life and for this life to bring glory to Him.

He sees me. He knows I’m scared. He knows I don’t know what is coming. He is faithful in continuing a good work that He, Himself started in me. 

It is up to me to acknowledge His presence in my life and let Him lead.

I’m standing on the edge.

If I jump, I have no control over what happens next.

If I just stand there, I’ll never experience what is coming next.

I could be afraid to take that leap.


I’m going to choose to jump. I’m pressing on. He’s been training me for such a time as this.

I’m still not sure what race I am actually running, but now is not the time to quit.

It’s time to run harder than I’ve ever run in my life. It’s time to press into Jesus. It’s time to put my money where my mouth is and have faith and courage that my God loves me, is faithful and will provide and take care of me.

“Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.” (Hebrews 12:1b-2a).

*What does "happy as clam" really even mean? 10 points if you can tell me. 


  1. Let me offer you some advice that was give me when I was standing where you are: Even though you don't hop onto the opportunity, God will not discipline you for not responding. When I was standing where you are, I was deciding if I really wanted to move to Florida for a man that even though we dated for several years, we had only been in the same city for 9 months. I was so scared that if I went to Florida, I'd lose my friends and we wouldn't get married, and that was the lesson. I was also afraid that if I didn't go, I would miss my opportunity for happiness and forever be on this track of failures until I figured it out. But here's the thing, God knows the desired of your heart, and also knows that sometimes, we just don't get the message, so whatever I chose to do, God would bless me if I kept Him first in my heart. So, whatever is about to happen to you, to put you of your comfort zone (p.s. God likes doing that to a lot of people. Its all about His glory.), take courage in knowing that whatever path you choose, there is no wrong path, you'll still have the opportunity to glorify God, and that even if you feel like you choose wrong, God will still love you.

    Also, Happy as a Clam is a saying that comes from the clam looking like it's always smiling from the opening.

  2. Erin--10 points as promised:) I'm happy to know where that saying comes from.. FINALLY! And thank you for the advice :) such a good solid reminder.. and that even though I don't know about it.. God still loves me! you rock:)


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