I have exciting news.
Actually, it may be the most exciting news a girl can ever have.
I have been romanced.
I am talking: completely, head-over-heels in love, butterflies in my stomach, cold chills... romanced.
And it was done by none other than the Original Romancer Himself, Jesus Christ.
I get this may sound weird.
It honestly, sounds a little odd to me.
But there is no denying it.
Let me share an embarrassing fact with you.
It has been a very long time--many years, actually--since I have felt adored, treasured, beautiful...
Quiet honestly, up until recently, I do not know that I even remembered what it felt like to be loved.
...to love and be loved...
I knew that in a platonic sense.
I knew that in a family sense.
I knew that in a Christian sense.
But to love and be loved in a ROMANTIC sense...
That is a concept that has been lost over the years in the hurt and in the pain of hiding.
God has been many things to me in my life. Especially in the last few years, since I completely surrendered my heart and life to Him and His perfect will.
And He still is all these things!
But He has become something even more to me.
I recently came through a rough patch in my walk with Christ.
My heart was dead.
I couldn't feel ANYTHING.
Except the bad of course.
I think for the first time in my life, I completely understand what it means to CLING to the cross.
I have cried.. I mean boo-hooed.. every time I worship in the last month.
I could feel... really feel... God was good.
I knew He was.
I knew He was God, He was more than I was, and He was with me.
But I was utterly numb.
There was no zeal, no passion, no nothing to my life.
I was lonely, sad, angry, frustrated, and lonely.
I put that twice, I realize that.
I need you to understand... I was really LONELY.
I can't tell you what happened.
I can't tell you I prayed a magical prayer, and poof.. all better.
I can't tell you, that I tried harder and that worked.
In fact, I grew weaker.. and my life, my walk with God probably reflected that.
I was worshiping one Friday night and we sang these lyrics:
"I hear Thy Savior say 'thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness watch and pray; find in Me, thine all in all.'"
My heart just said.."..that's you. you're that child."
My hands FLEW in the air.
My entire body had goosebumps.
Tears...streamed down my eyes.
At one point, I'm fairly certain I just gasped in awe.
My heart... My heart was
That night I went back to a passage I felt God had been writing on my heart for the last few weeks:
"So now I am going to draw her back to me. I will lead her into the desert. There I will speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14
I got it.
After WEEKS of meditating, praying, seeking...
I got it.
I quit looking at the desert part.
I was there.
But this time.. I saw the first half of that verse:
"...I will lead her back to ME.."
I began to pray:
God--when did I leave you? I'm here.. Did I abandon You? Father.. Precious Father...
And then I read on:
"I will give her back her vineyards. I will make a door of hope for her. Then she will love Me as she did when she was young. 'And in that day' declares the Lord, 'you will call Me "my Husband" and no longer will you call me "my Master". I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness and you will acknowledge the Lord."
In that moment, He was not trying to be Father. He was opening my eyes, my heart.
I can't perfectly describe what that passage means to me.
I can't make you understand what that did right then, right there, on that Friday night, to my heart.
Or what it continues to do for that matter.
I think for the first time in my life, I am IN LOVE with my Savior and Redeemer.
I have always revered and feared Him.
But this... this is different.
It's a relationship. A real one.
Songs send me to tears thinking about our love.
Each day and each night, I cannot wait to spend time with Him.
I can feel Him wrap His arms around me, especially when I begin to feel weak.
He speaks to me.
The stars sitting out on a friend's dock a few weeks ago, were a special gift for me--His Chosen Bride.
He has become my all in all.
God is many things to us all.
You may need a father figure because you don't have a good one, or one at all.
You may need a friend when you are lonely.
You may need a savior and redeemer for your past.
At this time in my life, I needed a lover--someone to provide that true love that I so desperately long for.
Real. Romantic. Love.
I came to the well.
And I have been filled up.
My heart has awakened.
Today, I am satisfied. He is the Love of my life.
I know that all relationships go through ups and downs. I know life won't stay this way. We live in a terribly broken world... and Satan will do anything to attack this love. My flesh and my soul will always be at war in this world.
So I will cling to the cross. I will cling to this love. Until the day I get to go home and sit and praise Him for the rest of eternity.
He came to give life and give it abundantly.
"Oh Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!"
And this heart.