Tuesday, April 3, 2012

To the Lonely and Bitter Single Sister..

Dear Lonely Girl,

You’re ok.

I know it doesn’t seem like it.

I know it hurts.

But the truth is: you’re ok.

You need to know that in a world full of your friends having boyfriends and going on dates and getting flowers and kisses all the time… you are truly ok.

That longing that you feel… it’s normal. And you are not the only one that feels it.

I know it seems like you are.

You aren’t.

I know the pain. True, physical, heart-wrenching pain.
I know the sadness. Depressed, angry, bitter sadness.
I know the desire. Consuming, overwhelming, debilitating desire.

I also know nothing changes while you sit in a puddle of tears.

Bitterness breeds resentment in yourself and towards your friends.

It kills love.

It drives out all happiness from your life and your heart.

That girl you wish you could be? Who’s happy and full of love and laughter?

She’s in your heart, begging you to stop being so angry and lonely and bitter and just… be.

A happy heart breeds confidence.

And there is nothing more attractive about a woman than one who is comfortable with who God has made her to be and where her heart lies.

Wallowing is easy.

You’re comfortable sitting in tears in your home, all alone, wishing and dreaming.

The hard part is getting up, telling that girl with tear stained cheeks staring back at you in the mirror she’s ok, and moving forward.

I am asking you to refuse to sit still any longer.

Pick yourself up.

We all long for someone to love us. We were made for relationship.

So find relationship.

Find girlfriends—single AND in relationship ones.

Single girlfriends share with each other and comfort one another.

Girlfriends in relationships teach you things, push you to grow and help you appreciate life and love.

Find God.

He is who you really long for.

Whether you are in a relationship or not, He is your true heart’s desire.

You are lonely because you long for home.

Boyfriend or not. Husband or not. This longing will never be fulfilled this side of Heaven.

When you stop wallowing in what you don’t have, and realize what you do, God can heal your heart and show you that His grace is beyond enough for your tired and lonely heart.

It’s ok to have bad days. We all have them.

So eat your ice cream if you want it, cry your tears if you need to, call your best friend or your mom and tell them how miserable you are.

Then pray, get up, and keep going.

It took me too long to realize that being the lonely, bitter single girl is a choice.

You do not have to live this way any longer.

You are free.

Christ died to make you free.

So be free.

You cannot change what once was.

Who you once were… is gone. Let.her.go.

You have a choice to change who you will be in the future.

And I promise you, no man is looking for a sad, bitter girl with a broken heart.

That man you long for is desperately searching for a confident woman whose heart is bursting with love.

She laughs without fear of the future because she knows who holds her future.

She clothes herself with strength and dignity.

She picks herself up and carries on because she knows that Jesus loves her and keeps her heart.

Find peace. Find love.

Then go out and spread it like a wildfire.

In Grace and Love,
A Single Sister


  1. Such a great post! Thank you so much for this.

  2. This is so brilliant! Really encouraged me today.

    Being the single gal in the group can be tricky, frustrating, and painful - but I'm really glad that I'm dating and just being ME right now. It's a blessing. Truly.

    So for now, I'll balance the Jason Mraz songs, repeated viewings of "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend," and tons of chocolate with standing tall, being confident, and embracing the single goodness.

    Thank you so much for this.

  3. Read this through my tears tonight. Our society is so pushy when it comes to marriage. Even though I have a loving boyfriend, and a lovely home, the comments people make are tiring and cruel sometimes. Thank you very much for lifting my spirits!!!!!


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