Confessions of a 20 Something: I can't follow all the rules of how to be a single, Godly woman.

I have a confession: I can’t follow all the rules of how to be a single, Godly woman.

I don’t know about you but to me, following all the rules of who a single woman of God is supposed to be, and how she is supposed to act… is exhausting.

I want to be married. That is a desire of my heart. And I believe God put that desire there. Yet for me, it just isn’t time, and I trust that.

Until that time comes, it seems almost everyone has an opinion on how a woman of God, should act while single. And most of it is just plain confusing.

Play hard to get---but be available to be pursued.

Be outgoing---but be mysterious.

Be beautiful---but it’s more than just physical beauty.

Learn to trust others and seek help---but “guard your heart”.

What does all that even mean?

Over the summer, I did Andy Stanley’s study on The New Rules of Love, Sex and Dating. The biggest point he tried to convey is relationships are not a fairy tale, they’re work. And the best thing we can do to prepare for a relationship, and to prepare for marriage, is to be intentional and become the person we are looking for, is looking for.

Awesome advice.  And a complete 180 from society’s view of “just wait for prince charming to show up”.

But more and more of what I read about dating, love, relationships, etc.. comes back to those 4 above mentioned things that I as a woman “can do”.

As a woman of God, what does playing hard to get look like?

I don’t think this means telling a guy that I can’t go out for coffee because I need to wash my hair.

I think it’s more along the lines of waiting for him to ask you.

I can only imagine what a guy would think if I were to ask him to hang out every free moment I had. Desperate, clingy, and obnoxious are the first words to pop into my head.

But if I'm confessing things, sometimes I wish I could just ask the guy out. It gets tiring waiting around, and we’ve already established that I struggle with patience.

I don't though. BTW. 

The bible doesn’t say: “The man is the pursuer. The woman is the one who should wait around and be pursued.”  Every love story in the bible however, resembles this model. I don’t want a man that I have to ask out. I want him to “woo” me. I want him to seek me. I want to be pursued.

Be outgoing—but be mysterious.

This one. Have mercy.

I am very outgoing. I love to laugh and get to know people. I am shy at first, but I love love love to talk to people! 

There is a very fine line we must walk though when it comes to the opposite sex.

Let him ask you questions. Let him pursue you. Be outgoing. Be witty. Be funny! But allow him to WANT to know more.

Sometimes I just want to bust at the seams to tell a guy something about myself--especially when it is relevant to the conversation. I have to remind myself though that once it’s out there, it’s never going back.

Like toothpaste. Once you squeeze it all out of the tube, how on earth could you possibly get it back in? Too much, too fast can lead to disaster.

This plays along with guard your heart.

I long for that intimacy of someone truly knowing me and knowing my heart, how I operate.

But would I want my future husband seeking that kind of a relationship with anyone other than me?

HECK. NO.

So why would I give that away?

If I’m guarding my heart, if I’m keeping quiet even when I don’t want to… Mystery remains. And someone, (aka my future husband), is going to be attracted to that. And want to know more. Hopefully then, pursuing me!

Be beautiful—but it’s more than just physical beauty.

I’m glad it’s more than physical beauty.

Is it ok to say that?

In our culture, looks are everything! We hear all the time how men are visual creatures and with every magazine, movie, model, musical artist out there looking like a goddess, it’s a struggle to have self confidence. 

I have no confidence that I alone can attract my future husband.

I love to work out and be active. I like to look fashionable and pretty. Find me a girl who doesn’t.

But if we are going on JUST physical beauty—nothing else, I will lose that race.

I love Jesus. My desire is that He will shine through my every fiber and being. Even through my physical beauty.

My dad and grandmother used to always tell me growing up: "Pretty is, as pretty does." I've always liked to think this goes along with Peter saying that a gentle and quiet spirit of a woman is most precious to the Lord, NOT our outward appearance. (Just a bit more southern.) 

My confidence comes from the fact that I love Jesus Christ. And what He has done for me. And who I am in Him.

With all the rules, with all the stipulations and ways that I should act as a single, Godly woman, I have figured out it really has nothing to do with me.

I am weak and cannot do this on my own.

The more I seek after Jesus, the more I desire Him, the more I ask Him to transform me into the Godly woman that will please Him; I find confidence in the fact that my future husband will be attracted to only me.

I can’t do it on my own. Frankly, I don’t want to.

Thankfully, I don’t have to.

“”My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.’”