Men: We need you.

Men.

We need you.

Did you know that?

Even as single women, we need you.

We need you to be honest.

Did you know that we think REALLY differently?

Things get so lost in the translation between men and women.

The mysteriousness of that lies completely in God alone, but down here on this broken, broken earth… it becomes so easy to hurt each other with what lies between what is said and what is not.

So we need you. We need you to be honest.

We need you to tell us when you just want friendship. With us and in general.

We need you to tell us when you care about us, when you want to pursue us, when you want to be with us.

We need you be open, upfront, and not threatening.

We promise to respect your decision when you do this.

We promise to pray for you to have clarity when you are seeking what God wants for you.

We promise to pray that you will have tactfulness, gentleness and patience with us. We know we are confusing, we know we are tough, we know we are emotional.

We are different.

We need you to be understanding.

Friendships between men and women are sticky.

We may not be able to be friends.

Please try to understand this.

Men in our pasts have made us fearful, have hurt us, have caused us to put up walls.

We cannot guarantee that we can be friends with you because of this.

I realize this isn’t fair. But if we are to guard our hearts, to keep ourselves safe and pure for Christ and for our future husbands, we need you to understand.

The truth is you may feel the same way about us.

This is why we need to be honest. Both you AND us.

We must communicate intention up-front and if that changes, we MUST communicate that.

If there is one thing I have learned as a single woman, communication can make you or break you.

We need you to be manly men

I do not have an eye for anything around the house.

I cannot fix a leaky faucet. I cannot drill holes in the wall.

I cannot hang curtains by myself. Don’t even get me started on my TV.

We need you to be manly men.

We need your help in doing the things God did not make us capable of doing.

We need you to offer.

We need to know you will help.

Even as friends, we need you. We cannot do all of this on our own.

And women, stop being afraid to ask. If he will help, let him help.

We need you to be respectable

The bible tells us that women are to respect their husbands and husbands love their wives.

We’ll make you a deal: you be respectable, we’ll be loveable.

We aren’t perfect. There are going to be times when this is not easy, when it’s not doable, when we just can’t.

However you can do these things, at all times:

• Do not talk down about us behind our backs. Even to your guy friends. Especially to your guy friends.
• You can practice the Fruits of the Spirit in your every day relationships.
• You can be love as described in 1 Corinthians 13 to every single person you meet.
• You can strive to become more Christ-like.
• You can become a leader.
• You can have integrity.
• You can pray.
• You can be honest and understanding.

This goes for us too. We can’t expect you to do all the work.

After all, God made us to fit together.

We need you to set the boundaries

Sexual sin isn’t a male issue. It is a human issue.

Women struggle with it to.

Did you know that?

Go read chapters 2 and 3 of Song of Solomon. Who set the boundaries? Who tried to break them?

We need to know that you will be the one to set, keep, and lead us away from those boundaries.

Doing that now will set the tone for a relationship, a marriage.

Lead us not into temptation.

This will build incalculable amounts of trust and respect for you.

We need you to pursue

I know the gender roles have become so unclear in our world.

Women ask men out.

Women pay.

Women step up and take the lead.

Christian women don’t want that.

Let me repeat:

CHRISTIAN WOMEN DON’T WANT THAT.

We want you to tell us that you want to pursue us… and then do it.

We want you to ask us out.

We want you to be the first to take that move.

We will be the first to serve. We will be the first to be gracious. We will be the first to respond…

But you have to give us something to respond to.

Remember, we have been hurt. We have been abused. We have been broken so many times that most of us feel unworthy, unloved, and invisible.

We NEED to know that you want us, that you would fight for us, that you will pursue us.

We need you to love Jesus

I love Jesus more than I could ever possibly love you.

And I plan on loving one man, a lot.

I expect that, I need that, in return.

We need you to love us like Christ loves the church

I know at least 15 single, Godly Christian women.

I know less than 8 single, Godly Christian men.

The ratio is off.

We need you.

We need you to love the way God has commanded... COMMANDED... you to love. (not optional)

We need you to treat us like daughters of the King.

We need you to respect us, even if you don’t want to date us.

We need you to treat us like this, even if you don’t want to date us.

There is a difference in liking us and wanting to be with us. (Like I said, sometimes, we just can’t be friends).

Did you know that if you do this, our faith in men can be restored?

Even if you are not the man God has created us to be with, you are an example, and you are proof that these men exist. You keep our hope, our faith, and our love alive.

We need you to know what you want

Ask God.

Pray.

Seek Him.

We promise to pray for you to have clarity when you are seeking what God wants for you.

And please, don’t pursue us until you do this.

We don’t want you, unless God wants you for us.

Pretty is as Pretty does

Growing up my dad always told me before I left the house “Pretty is as Pretty does.” 

He used to make me repeat it to him before I was even allowed to move out of his sight. 

That thought has been engraved into my brain. 

Pretty is as Pretty does.

What that statement has come to mean to me is this:
Beauty, is not just good looks, but is beheld within the person that you are to your very core.

Beauty is the person you radiate, it’s that inner thing that people look at you and say: “There is just something about them”.

Beauty is how you treat others, how you carry yourself, how you behave when no one is looking.

Beauty is Jesus Christ over flowing from every cell in your body into the world. 

Beauty is you.

I have never thought of myself as a beautiful girl. If compared to this world’s view of beautiful, I do not fit the most commonly thought of boundaries.

I am not a size 2. I have curves. I get break-outs. My hair rarely does what I want it to. There are features about myself that I would love to change. I work out, I like to have nice clothes that flatter me, most days I don’t even like to leave the house without make up on. I tend to pull my hair up about 10 times before I actually like the way it looks and quit messing with it.

I am your average, every day girl. 

Some days I am confident in the body that I was given and the beauty that it holds.

Some days I don’t want to leave my house because I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.

Yet my dad constantly reminded me… Pretty is as pretty does. 

That’s because beauty… might not have much to do with my outer looks and the body I have.

Confidence has never been something that comes easy to me. I’m an over-thinker. Even if I think I’m good at something, I can usually think about it enough that I convince myself I’m going to screw up and usually don’t even try. I mean, what is the point if I am just going to fail right?

I’ve never really been that confident in my beauty because I felt I was inadequate to the world’s standards.

And I am. 

By the world’s standards. 

By human standards.

 

Here is the incredible, amazing, wonderful thing though:

I am not held to the world’s standards. I am not held to anyone’s standards. I am not held to your standards.

I am held to God’s standards.

I am a daughter of the King. 

And because of this, my beauty, true beauty, reflects Him.

Did you know that God created woman LAST? 

He created everything else on this earth, including man, and then decided it wasn’t good for man to be alone and created woman.

Woman reflects the true nature of beauty that lies within God.

Man and Woman were both made in the image of God and that is why in relationship, they can bring the greatest honor to God, because they reflect the entire being of God.

My standard of beauty is God. 

Whoa.

That is a lot to think about. That is a lot to take in.

 The stars, the ocean, the radiant colors of fall, the waterfalls, the most gloriously beautiful moment of your entire life… is the beauty of God.

And WE—WOMEN—WE are the height, the masterpiece, the final crescendo of His work.

So why do we continually try to prove that we are beautiful? 

I’ve done this. I’m not going to pretend that I’ve never tried to be funny, witty, sporty, sexy, super-christian-esque.

I have. 

Multiple times.

But when I think about all of those facts and truth about beauty and God’s creation… shouldn’t it just flow from me without trying?

Truth is, the more intimate my relationship with Christ becomes, the less I care about my outer beauty. My focus has shifted from my appearance to my heart, to how I serve, think, feel, interact, and love to the fullest.

Of course I still have issues leaving the house without make-up, I still want to be beautiful and feel pretty. I still like to dress nice. I don’t think that wanting those things is bad, in the right context. 

However, when we become so consumed with it, that all we care about is how we are perceived to OTHER PEOPLE, we are committing a terrible sin against ourselves and our precious, precious Savior who died to make us gloriously beautiful on the inside. 

When I think about that fact, I don’t care if anyone ever tells me I look beautiful again. 

My standard is Christ. 

He knows my heart. Way deeper than anyone else ever could. Even more than my future husband one day will hopefully.

And as much as my future husband will think I am beautiful (hopefully)… It won’t even compare to how Christ sees me. 

So I want to be beautiful for Him. I want to reflect His glory, His humility, His love, His sacrifice, and His holiness from the inside of my heart to my outer beauty that He has blessed, yes-blessed, me with. 

Every. Single. Day.

Let’s stop striving to be beautiful, and be who we were made to be.

I think we’ll all be a lot more joyful, content, and less self seeking if we do this.

Who’s with me?

Hunkering Down

I don’t even know where to begin.

Part of me wants to tell you that I am confused.

That I do not understand what is going on with my life.

That I am tired.

That I do not feel peace and goodness.

That my joy is gone.

That it hurts.

Yet this is the fact that is laid upon my heart heavily: God is good.

I’m going to tell you a secret though…

I don’t feel that God is good today.

I haven’t for about a week.

However, I KNOW with every fiber in my being, God is Good.

That is fact. It will not change regardless of how I feel. My feelings… do not change God.

I am so thankful for that.

When I feel God’s goodness, it brings me to tears. When I can see Him, when I can feel His workings in my life, it is an indescribable joy that feels my heart.

What happens though, when I can’t feel it?

Well… that also brings me to tears. This time though, it’s the painful kind. The kind where I am on the side of my bed, kneeling, and just repeating over and over through those tears: “God you are God. God you are so very good.”

Because it’s truth. Those tears, those fears and the loneliness of those tears, do not change that truth.

He is good when there is nothing good in me.

I went rafting on Saturday with some friends from my small group.

It was an amazing day, even though by the end I was exhausted and ridiculously cold.

On the last rapid, we were told to “hunker down”, so no one would get thrown from the boat. The rapids were stronger than our boat and our paddling.

After we got to shore and were waiting around, I became so cold. I longed for a blanket, jacket, dry clothes, gust of really warm air--just about anything that would make me warm again.

That is how I long to feel God’s goodness.

I want to wrap myself up in Him and His goodness like a warm blanket when you are drenched from head to toe and your lips are turning blue.

The rapids of confusion that I am feeling right now, are really rough.

They are tossing and turning my emotions, my feelings and my security left and right, and sometimes I can’t seem to stabilize them.

I am hunkering down. Way way down.

I may feel angry, I may feel confused, I may be tired and frustrated and at a loss for words.

But I am in the boat, hunkering down so far, repeating to myself over and over that my God is good. Because while I can’t feel it, the more I say it, the more I focus on it and not on the rapids that are tossing me every which way, the sooner I will feel it and make it to shore safely to wrap up in His goodness.

I don’t doubt His love and goodness. That has never, and I pray never will be, the issue.

The issue is I am a woman who is searching and seeking so hard and yet is confused.

A good friend of mine recently told me that confusion is a good thing, its part of trusting God.

I’m a mess right now. But God has a plan.

And my mess is part of the plan for the moment.

He knows that I am trying really, really hard.

I hate this. I mean really hate it.

I’m sick of feeling shame for feeling this way. It is hard to admit that I don't feel God's goodness because I do know that my feeling just isn't true. It is hard to admit to doubting, to insecurity, to feeling completely inadequate.

I’m tired of feeling like I try so hard and just keep running in circles.

I’m tired of crying.

But He is good. Always.

And I must always, always, always believe that.

I am digging down so deep, so hard, sinking as far down as I possibly can into the truth that God is and always will be good.

The rapids will end and I’ll make it to shore. I genuinely believe that.

Even if I didn’t though, I trust my Father, that He will give me perfect peace to sustain me.

“Here is something I am still sure of: I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am still alive. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13-14

The Aches of a Life on a Balance Beam

Today is a rough day.

Actually, let’s be honest, it’s been a rough week. Bit of a rollercoaster. One of the big ones.

About 95% of the time, I am confident in where God has put me and can look back in gratefulness at His faithfulness and workings in my life.

But when it’s a really, really rough day… I just want to cry.

I like to call it the “blah-funk”.

It’s not that anything is necessarily wrong.

It’s just there is this ache...

Oh, the ache...

Deep down in your soul, it seems no one can understand. Even if they are your best friend and they are going through the same thing. This ache is overwhelming. It hurts in places you didn’t know you had. It cuts in to every insecurity you have ever had about yourself.

It leaves you with the thought of wanting give into listening to that song that makes you cry, watch that movie that almost hurts, tell yourself “you’ll never be good enough” over and over again… because Satan wants you to stay right there; believing all the awful lies he is telling your precious spirit.

I’m well aware of that feeling. I know it all too well. Me and that feeling? We were best friends for a long time.

And Satan loves to remind me of that.

It is hard to give up insecurity. It is hard when that ache is throbbing in your heart, to remind myself that my confidence, my hope is in Jesus Christ. It is not in the things of this world or even in my own being and strength.

I am on a balance beam.

I have been for a long time.

Some days, I can do flips and jumps and sprint forward with the plans God has laid on my heart that He wants me to do for Him.

But this week… This week I looked down from my balance beam and realized, if I fall… I do not know what will happen or where I will land.

On top of that, it will probably hurt. A lot.

I am usually a pretty steady and stable person. This week, I started shaking. And when I started shaking, I looked down.

What happens when we look down is we get uncomfortable, and we decide we want to sit and just not go forward.

I’ll be honest; right now I don’t want to go forward because I can’t see.

I can’t see His plans for me and I’m not sure what is going on in front of me.

I’m in this place where I’m not comfortable, where I’m semi-starting over, where I’m out of my comfort zone, where the unexpected and the unknown are lurking around every single turn and are in every single corner.

And I’m scared.

I’m shaky.

I wish I knew what was ahead.

Here is fact, here is truth, here is reality.

God is El Roi—The God Who Sees.

He is Jehovah Jireh—The God Who Provides.

I sat down today on my balance beam. I sat and cried. I don’t see and I don’t understand. I am in waiting, I am weary, and I am tired.

I went home on my lunch break to do some laundry. I like to drive and talk to God, so that’s what I did.

One of my favorite things about home is my prayer wall with Scripture and words of insight and encouragement. I use it to help me keep God the main focus of my life.

On that wall, I read this scripture:

“But Moses told the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.” Exodus 14:13-14

I first thought maybe I was just supposed to share this verse with my brother, as we had been talking most of the morning and I was seeking prayerfully for a way to encourage him in God’s word.

On my drive back to the office, Matthew West’s song “Strong Enough” came on the radio and I lost it. I mean, it was one of those ugly, may-need-to-pull-over-on-the-side-of-the-road cries. I feel like SUCH A GIRL when I do that. It’s awful.

And then the station (WAY-FM) played the Word on the Way (daily bible verse) of the day.

Two guesses what the verse was. Hint: see verse I just posted.

I’m not going to be all Positive Polly and tell you my ache went away.

It didn’t.

However, I stopped crying.

God sees. God hears. God will provide. Even when I have no idea.

I picked myself up from sitting on my balance beam staring downward; wondering what would happen if I fell off.

I’m starting to walk forward again keeping my eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of our faith.

I’m not strong enough, but I’m pleading with Him to be. And I know, without a doubt, He will be.

“Do not grieve, for the Joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10

“So we fix our eyes upon not what is seen, but what is unseen. What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 2:18